Never Again... Rwanda Genocide Memorial

I am sitting in Rwanda on Xmas day. Over the last 3 days I have been visiting the Kigali Genocide memorial, talking to survivors, and just taking it all in. I knew that hindsight wouldn’t adequately portray that overwhelming moment when I first made my way through the memorial, so I took a moment to sit and write. This is what came out…

I’m in a room full of bones and skulls collected from mass graves, with the names of victims being read in a thick French accent over the speaker above. The lights are dim, almost too dark to write this, but I cant risk forgetting this moment. Standing in front of the bones, I felt my bones and my muscles begin to ache. My first thought was that I must be getting sick, out of habit really, but realized quickly that my body was reacting to this moment, to this tragedy. It’s hard not to feel this with every part of my being.
I’m rotating between feelings of sadness, despair, anger, disgust, empathy, vengeance, motivation… I could go on all day with the changing faces of my emotional state. While listening to the stories, the hardest parts were the memories of the kind moments that were experienced before losing everything. Final meals, parent’s sacrifices, kindness from strangers - that on many occasions led to their own deaths. Those are the stories that move my heart the most. Those moments of love in the face of cruelty.
I am also filled with this feeling of guilt that weighs heavely on me. Guilt that the world didn’t come to help. Guilt that I feel so much anger towards the people who didn’t come, knowing it was going to happen, and those that made this happen. Guilt that I am trying to feel better, when I wasn’t the one who went through it. I want to hide my reaction, feeling as if I don’t have the right to be this upset in front of survivors. I know it may not be rational to feel guilt for empathy, but it’s where I am right now. It’s part of the moment I’m faced with.
The voice continues to name victims with no repeat. There is more to see, and I need to keep on…

Arise

On Wednesday I am invited to watch a college graduation. The moments we imagine separate “us” from “them” get smaller and smaller the longer I immerse myself into this world. It’s easy to find differences, but if you’re fortunate enough to have moments like this, you will bask in the similarities, and find ways to feel part of something familiar. The College is called Nairobits, and it teaches students how to get from never having used a computer to web design. And it’s incredible.

The student whose graduation I’m going to created this: http://kiberahamlets.org/html/about_us.html

The website is actually for a group of youth that we auditioned the other week for theatre outreach. They are beautiful and so talented. Here are some pictures of their audition…

Some of the incredible dancers. The girl on the left, who cant be more than 9 years old, ran the show. It was so powerful...

The youth, reenacting the post election violence.

The POK group performing for a girl's group. By the end, there were over 50 spectators in this tiny space.

I’ll end with these words from one performance I got to see. I hope you enjoy…

“Can’t we take it easy,
Mamma Africa
Smile for the children’s sake, smile to give children hope
Smile to help make youth cope with their lives
Smile to stop women’s weep…
Let them not be the victims of all unjust situations
But make them peace builders in this nation
Because this is the time for them to achieve all their dreams
Can’t you do this for the children’s sake…

Arise you African hope
Arise you African youth
Arise and make the difference
Arise and not be coward
Cause this is the time
You have the steam
Are you ready?
Are you steady?
Arise”
P.O.K. (Pillars of Kibera)

Remember Remember the 5th of November...

I have now officially been out of the United States for 2.5 months, and during this time I have been witness to a major shift in the world’s perception of me and where I come from. It’s incredible to experience the drastic way people’s views changed within a short periods of time, and how my life has been greatly affected by those changes. Even in my conversations with US expatriates and friends back home, many Americans have changed too.

Any American who has traveled or lived abroad in the last 8 years probably knows that being an American overseas is not always the easiest thing. Some of us are constantly and aggressively blamed for our government. I've said I'm from Canada a few times when I could tell the situation would turn ugly if I didn’t. Sometimes it’s been for my safety, and sometimes it was simply because I no longer had the energy to hear about our president anymore.

Regardless of your feelings about our new President, this election has made a visible positive difference in the way we are perceived. To understand my experience, the following article (title is the link) pretty clearly and simply sums it up: Is It Cool to Be American Abroad?. Please please take a moment to read this.

As for the election experience in Kenya, if any of you watched CNN on the night of the election, you were most likely also greeted with the celebrations going on in a village called Kogelo. In this town, hundreds of Luo people, who share a tribal bond with Obama’s father, gathered for the night-long wait to hear the news. And upon victory, danced danced danced the day away. In Kibera, people slaughtered goats in celebration and shared the meat with their friends and neighbors. It was reported as “happy rioting.” I received messages and calls from every Kenyan I know congratulating me with a sincerity you can only find in those who are going through the experience with you. And time and time again people commented on how lucky we are to have a democracy where we can all be part of changing the course of our nation. Although I’m sad I missed all of the excitement at home, I was certainly in the second most exciting place to be for this year’s elections. If you dont believe me, here was a headline from tonight's news (and I'm not making this up): "Women in Kenya celebrated Obama's victory by shaving their hair down there. It was their testament to no more Bush."

Politics, Teens and other scary things...

The US election coverage here is increasing as the race comes to a close. Prime Minister Raila Odinga visited Obama’s family land, bringing the media along to show support for the Senator. The sentiment inKenya seems to be that Obama’s election will bring about improvements in Kenya as well, which in the immediate future seems very unlikely. And PM Odinga made a very precarious declaration, claiming that Obama's election will eliminate racial divide in the world. These large scale promises and expectations can lead to serious disappointment. The closer we get to next week, the more excited I get to see how another nation reacts to American politics. I will be sure to update you on the reactions here.

Home life is as exciting as ever. We just celebrated my little brother’s 13th birthday. I convinced his mom to get the kids noise makers, and they ran up and down the neighborhood disturbing everyone and having a blast doing it. I was so proud.

Simon's party, taking a second to pose before running around the neighborhood again. Words cant express how funny a sight this was.

Also at home, I discovered that there is a giant spider (at least 4 inches long, and FAST) that lives in the stairway and comes out at night. On many nights I have seen him on my way down to the kitchen and the thought of having to pass him has stopped me from going down to eat. (The film Arachnophobia has scarred me permanently.) But it’s become a great way to curb the midnight snacking. J

On a cute side note, yesterday morning’s walk to work consisted of 6 cows wandering around in the slum by my house, with no owner in site. One of them was mooing loudly and coming straight towards me. It was intimidating and funny all at the same time and I love the random run-ins with nature.

I wish you all a very Happy Halloween! Deep rooted beliefs in stories of witches have made the holiday nearly non-existent in Kenya (as it's too “devilish”) although neighborhoods with high populations of expatriates still celebrate. It's fascinating observing how traditional stories and cultural lore intersect with highly adopted religious beliefs.

"I am learning all the time. The tombstone will be my diploma" ~E. Kitt

The Makings of a Valuable Experience

When I lived in San Francisco, it was easy to forget sometimes how beautiful the buildings and the streets are or that homelessness is a major problem. In Hawaii, I would sometimes forget that the ocean was at my finger tips at all times, and I could spend weeks worrying about papers when I should have been taking a moment to enjoy the view or to learn more about a dwindling culture. In both instances I was able to really appreciate afterwards what it was that I had had in front of me. It’s easy to forget sometimes your context when you become comfortable in your routine. This week, however, I faced several reminders of why I’m here, and the reality of the situation I am faced with.


Monday, while riding into Kibera, I noticed a young boy (maybe around 8 years old) rummaging through the sewage in what looked like a desperate search for food. I watched as he picked up wrapper after wrapper, licking off the remaining flavors and pieces left behind, and then moved on to the next possible scrap. The night before, a friend and I had been discussing the power of feeding others and how bonds of love can be created and illustrated through food preparation and eating. It made me realize that the hunger the boy was experiencing, and will probably continue to encounter, not only affects his stomach but also takes away a beautiful experience of feeling cared for and loved. The image didn’t leave me all day, and that night, I couldn’t sleep.


Yesterday while in a presentation meeting for our peace initiative, I was struck with massive body aches, sweating, fever, and stomach pains. The day before I had eaten in Kibera (which I had done before with no issue), and realize now was quite reckless. The staff took me down to the CFK Tabitha clinic to get checked out. While in the waiting area, I noticed something I had not experienced before. The hall, which was filled with sick babies, was silent. It was evident that some of the children were very ill, but not a single one cried. They just sat bundled in their mother’s arms, some of them completely naked, watching their surroundings. Initially this may sound peaceful, but something about the silence frightened me, and made me wonder why children in different places behave so differently. Even in my own home, my little sister makes it very clear when something is bothering her, almost to the point of frustration. Is it true that someone can be so hungry, so tired, so energy less that they cannot cry? Or is there so little that can be done to satisfy needs that they have realized that tears will not bring about a solution? After receiving my diagnosis and medication (and thanking the Kenyan Gods for not giving me Malaria), I realized that no matter how comfortable I get, the health issues people face here are outside of my everyday understanding. Although this may seem obvious, without incident it’s easy to feel invincible, as if you can tackle anything, and to forget to respect what others are living with on a daily basis. And sitting in the waiting area, I felt like something was missing, and all I hoped was to hear a little life from the babies in the hall.


All of this in mind, however, I have also realized that sad stories of Kibera will not bring change. Instead, while remembering why I came, I try my best to focus on the incredible progress being made in the face of these challenges. Young women opening savings accounts to give them hope for an independent future. HIV positive groups working together to create crafts that they sell to support each other. Youth reclaiming sewage dump land to create recycling centers and turning trash into income. And a community that is working hard to maintain a peaceful living space after massive violence. Although the suffering of others is what motivated me to come, it’s these accomplishments in the community that give my experience and work here purpose and value for the community, myself, and anyone who walks away with a desire to give and support giving from reading these stories.

Something to Read on your Coffee Break

In my last entry I mentioned a group called "Ushahidi" ( meaning testimony in Swahili). I've been working with them to impliment their great idea on the ground in Kibera. A local newspaper picked up the story and there's even a little cameo appearance by me on the second page :)

Check it out! http://www.nation.co.ke/News/-/1056/480528/-/item/1/-/lsupwr/-/index.html

Also, my friends who are conducting research at Mpala ranch (the one I visited near Mt. Kenya) have gone live with their ecology blog on the Huffington Post website (this week's topic, Biodiversity). The article is quick and fun to read and a great start for anyone interested, even on a basic level, in the significance of environment and politics. Please take a moment to check it out. Even if you're not totally into the sciences I highly recommend it!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/todd-palmer-and-rob-pringle/the-crisis-nobodys-talkin_b_134873.html

Chasing the Sun

Hello all, It’s been a while since I’ve been on here. Lots going on and I’ll try to share as much as I can!

The ability for this place to inspire me is endless. Every morning after a walk through a local slum and 2 matatu rides, I reach Kibera, and am greeted with the hustle and bustle of the residents here. It’s dusty and congested but there is still something very warm about the loud speakers on Olympic Road, welcoming all who walk by with an upbeat Kenyan song. The shops are open, the animals are wandering the streets (you can tell it's spring with all of the baby goats and dogs everywhere) and the day has begun. Although one of the largest slums in Africa, I cant help but smile at the busy energy and the feeling the music gives me as I make my way into the Kibera community. At work we have begun dialogue with some of the most highly influential people in the community. The whole experience at this organization has been like no other I have ever had. I have been employed and volunteering for non-profits since I was in high school, and have never seen an org work so successfully with its own community and through the leadership of community members to mobilize and teach and better themselves. I truly get to see empowerment in action. My social time lately has been spent meeting some incredible people doing work in all sectors, with a common goal of helping the world around them. I recently met a couple who work to transport refugees to their new host countries and help them resettle. Moving 500 people who have never even ridden in a car, let alone a plane is quite the task, and the stories are enthralling. At the same time, they work to reunite children and grandparents with their families over seas. Getting a visa to go to Europe and the Americas is quite challenging for Kenyans, and when people are given the opportunity to go, the family usually celebrates it as a major accomplishment. Sometimes families will even separate, if only a few of them are able to leave, hoping that the ones that go will be able to provide a better life for the whole family. I also recently met and brainstormed with some people who are working on early warning systems through citizen self reporting. One such program is www.Ushahidi.com, which allows people to report incidence in real time through the internet and SMS. It’s incredibly cutting edge for the humanitarian field and I really hope they are able to reach their goals in the community. It may change the way we understand the news and world around us. Another interesting site is www.globalvoicesonline.org, which connects bloggers who are reporting on news around the world. Very interesting reading! As for the fun stuff, I have been trying to keep busy exploring and I'm working on maintaining a balance between the things I enjoyed at home and the new cultural experiences I am exposed to here. I’ve also been able to make some trips to the movies and have even gone bowling (although it was quite embarrassing with a score of 46). The very kind attendant told me it wasn’t the worst she had seen and I was very grateful for her kindness. J This weekend included petting a cheetah, taking wildlife safari walks, and celebrating birthdays with Nyama Choma (roasted goat) while sitting near a lake full of pelicans (beautiful!).

With my new cheetah friend. She really reminded me more of a big friendly house cat.

Lake Elmentaita. This is part of the Rift Valley, which is said to have been created during the break up of Pangaea when Africa was meant to split in two. The process failed, and has left this beautiful valley of lakes and craters.

Pelicans

Of course, no excursion comes without an exciting/scary lesson. On Kenyan highways there are always check points set up by the police to make sure all drivers are legal and driving safely. It’s also a good way to make some extra income from bribes. (which I have experienced first hand) Because we had passed 3 checkpoints by the time we got to the last one, I didn’t realize that it was actually being manned by regular citizens who had created a barrier out of tree branches. This group was hoping that drivers who don’t know any better would pull over, and then attempt to rob them. Luckily the people I was with are very aware of these scams, and I’m happy I wasn’t the one driving! I also learned the very valuable lesson of "chasing the sun" as my friend Lynsey calls it. In Kenya, I find that the goal is to stay away from roads, whether by foot or car, when the sun goes down. It's funny how my entir daily schedule revolves around the setting of the sun.

Regardless of how scary, I’m glad to have these experiences. I’m currently trying to plan trips to Ugandaand Rwanda (to see the memorials), and everyday I feel more prepared for the challenges I might face. On a side note, if anyone knows anyone in these places that wouldn’t mind guiding me, I would be very grateful for that information! Getting around out here is all about who you know, and any connections I can make along the way are invaluable to my experience and safety.

On a fun side note in smart ideas, a friend out here told me about this website. Thought I would share (in case anyone wants to send me a goat) ;) Yes, it's totally legitimate.
www.mamamikes.com

I hope you are all doing well and enjoying my stories and pictures. And if anyone makes their way toBerkeley (on Dwight and Telegraph), please stop into Bongo Burger and have a Persian Burger for me!

World is on Fire

I'm starting my 4th week here, and it's been a rough few days. After my trip to the Mpala Ranch, I came back to Nairobi sad and frustrated by the endless corruption and pollution here. I cant help but feel that in this major city in Eastern Africa, it doesn’t have to be this way. It’s hard not to be effected by the high rates of respiratory problems that make the children sick. In Kibera local children work to collect trash and recycle it. But often times it’s too expensive, as the different government offices keep charging them random fees (and often charge them twice for the same task). The local schools sell off their sports fields to make money from rich land owners, and cut programs for students. And all of it comes with the explanation that there is nothing anyone can do, because no one will listen. The feeling of helplessness and defeat is overwhelming.

Luckily I find solace when I’m in Kibera with the kids. I was finally able to bring my camera to the slum. Here is a very limited view of what I see everyday.

A river and a sewage dump. The hopes are that the rainy season will flush out the trash, as there is no trash pick up in Kibera.

Some kids playing in the River/Sewage.

In the distance you can see the apartments that are supposedly "upgrades" for the Kibera residents to move into. Unfortunately, most will not be able to afford living there, and new people will inhabit the homes.

Kenny telling me about his neighborhood. The scarf I'm holding is the one I use to cover my face when the dirt and dried sewage kick up in the wind.

---

I’m missing home very much. I miss the clean air and environmental consciousness and the laws that protect the people. I miss my friends and family. I never knew how hard it could be to go without a hug from someone you love. I’m so grateful to all of the well wishes you have all been sending. It’s really getting me through. We really are fortunate people. With so much love...

Heaven on Earth

This weekend I was lucky enough to be invited to a ranch near Mt. Kenya. It was nice to be out of the city and to get the opportunity to finally see the rural life. I was not, however, prepared to have my childhood fantasies about animals and nature fulfilled. I hope you enjoy these pictures as much as I do. They dont do the experience any justice...

The house we stayed in is owned by the woman who created the game Jenga!

Every morning this bird (Archie) and his girlfriend (ma) would show up, waiting for us to give them a little breakfast. Sometimes he would even cautiously eat from my hand.

The giraffe were not interested in my greeting what so ever (Here you can see them running away from me)

One morning I woke up to elephants outside of my window.

Needless to say, getting on the plane to go back to the city was a difficult process. So grateful to Mpala and my 2 wonderful guides...

Pictures

Unfortunately, I dont have many pictures of the outside world, as it's not safe for me to flash my camera around too much. I hope to find someone soon to escort me through town so I can show you all what life is like here. Until then, I hope you enjoy these...

The slum leading to my home. These are shops set up illegal on the side of the road, selling everything from fruit to SIM cards to car parts. There is word that they will be shut down soon in an attempt to beautify the area, though no one seems too concerned.

One of the many goats wandering the streets

The local slum I walk through every morning. Quiet because of the holiday.

The local slum pub, fully equipped with pool tables and satelite TV.

---

This is my bed (notice the mosquito net in the top left corner). You would think it would set my mind at ease, but instead it serves as a constant reminder of Malaria. I am fortunate enough to have my own room.

My home stay mom. Here, you call mothers by their oldest child's name. So she is known as Mama Steve (her oldest son, Steve, is currently at University in South Africa).

Simon is the youngest of the brothers. He is very smart and loves to teach me and ask me questions about home. I hope he will do great things in life.

Hanging out with Sheena and Sidney (Sido) at home. The two of them are very close and protective of each other. I love watching them play together.

Sheena and I spend a lot of time together. She is very curious about me and loves to play games. We have a language barrier as she barely speaks english and I havent learned enough Swahili yet but we find a way to make it work.

On a side note, the excitement of the Roosters running around has run its course as I have a consistent (and unwelcome) 5am wake up call now. I did enjoy seeing a calf wandering the alley by my house yesterday. The owner offered him to me but as you can see, my room may be a little small to keep him comfortably ;)



More soon...

Kibera: Day 2

Today was my second day at Carolina for Kibera. Words are not enough to express the experience. But I will do my best… First, it is a very large amount of space with endless numbers of people. Walking is usually on a dirt mound, a railroad track or along the sewage lines. Everything is very much contained, with few seeming to leave which has led to a very strong sense of community. I’m working on a project called Jamii ya Kibera, which means Community of Kibera. After the 2007 elections, there were fierce riots, and neighbors were attacking and killing each other simply because they had differing political beliefs. Many were forced to leave their homes and fires and looting destroyed many houses and businesses. The project I’m working on focuses on maintaining peace in the community through positive activities, mediation, and continued positive integration within the communities. During the riots, the Caroline for Kibera offices weren’t touched, as the community has come to look to them as a source of support and guidance. I have made friends with a girl who is one of the peer leaders of the community. She took me to her house, where her and 6 other members of her family live in a room, separated by a curtain.The routes here are based on whatever space is available to walk on. One major route is along the train tracks. While walking on the tracks today, I asked one of the girls if people ever get run over or hit. She told me it used to be a common thing but now that people are fined if they get hit (go figure) there have been less incidence. As we were ending the conversation, someone yelled, and sure enough, the quietest train ever invented comes flying up. One of the girls heard someone yell and grabbed me off the track. That was my special adventure for the day… I will send pictures as soon as I can. Pictures are a sensitive subject here, as residents are worried you are exploiting them for money.

On a lighter note, there are goats and chicken and dogs and cats all over the streets, which makes me very happy. The children all run up and say "how are you?" and once one of them starts, they all chime in. It's very funny to watch and they seem a little thrown off when you actually respond. Some will run up just to hold your hand or touch the Mazungu (foreigner/white person). And this morning I was proposed to by my Matatu (small bus) conductor. I decided it may not be such a good idea but I thanked him anyway. :)
Write more soon...