Saying Goodbye

On Friday night, I landed in Dubai, temporarily saying goodbye to Kenya and Africa. I still cant believe that 4 months have passed. I have been so fortunate to have this experience, and I am so grateful to you all. In this relatively small amount of time I have been taught, moved, changed, and feel more prepared for the work I plan to do in my life.

My experience in Kenya was full of ups and downs. From the frustrations of inefficiency and corruption to the beautiful children and loving friends, I have been given life lessons that have shaped my understanding for the world, myself and others. I am working on compiling these lessons into a list, as I never want to forget, and I want to share the experience with all of you who helped me get there, with donations, kind words, and late night pep talks. I hope to post this personal and eternally incomplete list soon. I also want to apologize that the posts became less frequent as time went on. The longer I lived in Kenya, the more the daily events just became part of life, and it became harder and harder for me to write. Not just here but for myself as well. My journal has gaping holes that I hope my memory of the day to day experience will fill, and I hope will be shared through conversation and story as the years go on.

The hardest part of leaving was saying my goodbye’s to Kibera and the people I worked with. In the final hours, I sat down with Kenny, who is now going to be working on the Jamii ya Kibera project with one less partner, and we wrote out the plan for the coming year. We reflected on our successes and our challenges, and talked about achieving our goals in 2009. The ideas were abundant and the hopes are high. Afterwards my coworkers and I all headed out to get tea together, and say goodbye without really saying goodbye. Kwa Heri Kenya. Until the next time…

Leaving Kibera on my last day. Salim, thank you for this one, and for everything...

Never Again... Rwanda Genocide Memorial

I am sitting in Rwanda on Xmas day. Over the last 3 days I have been visiting the Kigali Genocide memorial, talking to survivors, and just taking it all in. I knew that hindsight wouldn’t adequately portray that overwhelming moment when I first made my way through the memorial, so I took a moment to sit and write. This is what came out…

I’m in a room full of bones and skulls collected from mass graves, with the names of victims being read in a thick French accent over the speaker above. The lights are dim, almost too dark to write this, but I cant risk forgetting this moment. Standing in front of the bones, I felt my bones and my muscles begin to ache. My first thought was that I must be getting sick, out of habit really, but realized quickly that my body was reacting to this moment, to this tragedy. It’s hard not to feel this with every part of my being.
I’m rotating between feelings of sadness, despair, anger, disgust, empathy, vengeance, motivation… I could go on all day with the changing faces of my emotional state. While listening to the stories, the hardest parts were the memories of the kind moments that were experienced before losing everything. Final meals, parent’s sacrifices, kindness from strangers - that on many occasions led to their own deaths. Those are the stories that move my heart the most. Those moments of love in the face of cruelty.
I am also filled with this feeling of guilt that weighs heavely on me. Guilt that the world didn’t come to help. Guilt that I feel so much anger towards the people who didn’t come, knowing it was going to happen, and those that made this happen. Guilt that I am trying to feel better, when I wasn’t the one who went through it. I want to hide my reaction, feeling as if I don’t have the right to be this upset in front of survivors. I know it may not be rational to feel guilt for empathy, but it’s where I am right now. It’s part of the moment I’m faced with.
The voice continues to name victims with no repeat. There is more to see, and I need to keep on…

Arise

On Wednesday I am invited to watch a college graduation. The moments we imagine separate “us” from “them” get smaller and smaller the longer I immerse myself into this world. It’s easy to find differences, but if you’re fortunate enough to have moments like this, you will bask in the similarities, and find ways to feel part of something familiar. The College is called Nairobits, and it teaches students how to get from never having used a computer to web design. And it’s incredible.

The student whose graduation I’m going to created this: http://kiberahamlets.org/html/about_us.html

The website is actually for a group of youth that we auditioned the other week for theatre outreach. They are beautiful and so talented. Here are some pictures of their audition…

Some of the incredible dancers. The girl on the left, who cant be more than 9 years old, ran the show. It was so powerful...

The youth, reenacting the post election violence.

The POK group performing for a girl's group. By the end, there were over 50 spectators in this tiny space.

I’ll end with these words from one performance I got to see. I hope you enjoy…

“Can’t we take it easy,
Mamma Africa
Smile for the children’s sake, smile to give children hope
Smile to help make youth cope with their lives
Smile to stop women’s weep…
Let them not be the victims of all unjust situations
But make them peace builders in this nation
Because this is the time for them to achieve all their dreams
Can’t you do this for the children’s sake…

Arise you African hope
Arise you African youth
Arise and make the difference
Arise and not be coward
Cause this is the time
You have the steam
Are you ready?
Are you steady?
Arise”
P.O.K. (Pillars of Kibera)

Remember Remember the 5th of November...

I have now officially been out of the United States for 2.5 months, and during this time I have been witness to a major shift in the world’s perception of me and where I come from. It’s incredible to experience the drastic way people’s views changed within a short periods of time, and how my life has been greatly affected by those changes. Even in my conversations with US expatriates and friends back home, many Americans have changed too.

Any American who has traveled or lived abroad in the last 8 years probably knows that being an American overseas is not always the easiest thing. Some of us are constantly and aggressively blamed for our government. I've said I'm from Canada a few times when I could tell the situation would turn ugly if I didn’t. Sometimes it’s been for my safety, and sometimes it was simply because I no longer had the energy to hear about our president anymore.

Regardless of your feelings about our new President, this election has made a visible positive difference in the way we are perceived. To understand my experience, the following article (title is the link) pretty clearly and simply sums it up: Is It Cool to Be American Abroad?. Please please take a moment to read this.

As for the election experience in Kenya, if any of you watched CNN on the night of the election, you were most likely also greeted with the celebrations going on in a village called Kogelo. In this town, hundreds of Luo people, who share a tribal bond with Obama’s father, gathered for the night-long wait to hear the news. And upon victory, danced danced danced the day away. In Kibera, people slaughtered goats in celebration and shared the meat with their friends and neighbors. It was reported as “happy rioting.” I received messages and calls from every Kenyan I know congratulating me with a sincerity you can only find in those who are going through the experience with you. And time and time again people commented on how lucky we are to have a democracy where we can all be part of changing the course of our nation. Although I’m sad I missed all of the excitement at home, I was certainly in the second most exciting place to be for this year’s elections. If you dont believe me, here was a headline from tonight's news (and I'm not making this up): "Women in Kenya celebrated Obama's victory by shaving their hair down there. It was their testament to no more Bush."

Politics, Teens and other scary things...

The US election coverage here is increasing as the race comes to a close. Prime Minister Raila Odinga visited Obama’s family land, bringing the media along to show support for the Senator. The sentiment inKenya seems to be that Obama’s election will bring about improvements in Kenya as well, which in the immediate future seems very unlikely. And PM Odinga made a very precarious declaration, claiming that Obama's election will eliminate racial divide in the world. These large scale promises and expectations can lead to serious disappointment. The closer we get to next week, the more excited I get to see how another nation reacts to American politics. I will be sure to update you on the reactions here.

Home life is as exciting as ever. We just celebrated my little brother’s 13th birthday. I convinced his mom to get the kids noise makers, and they ran up and down the neighborhood disturbing everyone and having a blast doing it. I was so proud.

Simon's party, taking a second to pose before running around the neighborhood again. Words cant express how funny a sight this was.

Also at home, I discovered that there is a giant spider (at least 4 inches long, and FAST) that lives in the stairway and comes out at night. On many nights I have seen him on my way down to the kitchen and the thought of having to pass him has stopped me from going down to eat. (The film Arachnophobia has scarred me permanently.) But it’s become a great way to curb the midnight snacking. J

On a cute side note, yesterday morning’s walk to work consisted of 6 cows wandering around in the slum by my house, with no owner in site. One of them was mooing loudly and coming straight towards me. It was intimidating and funny all at the same time and I love the random run-ins with nature.

I wish you all a very Happy Halloween! Deep rooted beliefs in stories of witches have made the holiday nearly non-existent in Kenya (as it's too “devilish”) although neighborhoods with high populations of expatriates still celebrate. It's fascinating observing how traditional stories and cultural lore intersect with highly adopted religious beliefs.

"I am learning all the time. The tombstone will be my diploma" ~E. Kitt

The Makings of a Valuable Experience

When I lived in San Francisco, it was easy to forget sometimes how beautiful the buildings and the streets are or that homelessness is a major problem. In Hawaii, I would sometimes forget that the ocean was at my finger tips at all times, and I could spend weeks worrying about papers when I should have been taking a moment to enjoy the view or to learn more about a dwindling culture. In both instances I was able to really appreciate afterwards what it was that I had had in front of me. It’s easy to forget sometimes your context when you become comfortable in your routine. This week, however, I faced several reminders of why I’m here, and the reality of the situation I am faced with.


Monday, while riding into Kibera, I noticed a young boy (maybe around 8 years old) rummaging through the sewage in what looked like a desperate search for food. I watched as he picked up wrapper after wrapper, licking off the remaining flavors and pieces left behind, and then moved on to the next possible scrap. The night before, a friend and I had been discussing the power of feeding others and how bonds of love can be created and illustrated through food preparation and eating. It made me realize that the hunger the boy was experiencing, and will probably continue to encounter, not only affects his stomach but also takes away a beautiful experience of feeling cared for and loved. The image didn’t leave me all day, and that night, I couldn’t sleep.


Yesterday while in a presentation meeting for our peace initiative, I was struck with massive body aches, sweating, fever, and stomach pains. The day before I had eaten in Kibera (which I had done before with no issue), and realize now was quite reckless. The staff took me down to the CFK Tabitha clinic to get checked out. While in the waiting area, I noticed something I had not experienced before. The hall, which was filled with sick babies, was silent. It was evident that some of the children were very ill, but not a single one cried. They just sat bundled in their mother’s arms, some of them completely naked, watching their surroundings. Initially this may sound peaceful, but something about the silence frightened me, and made me wonder why children in different places behave so differently. Even in my own home, my little sister makes it very clear when something is bothering her, almost to the point of frustration. Is it true that someone can be so hungry, so tired, so energy less that they cannot cry? Or is there so little that can be done to satisfy needs that they have realized that tears will not bring about a solution? After receiving my diagnosis and medication (and thanking the Kenyan Gods for not giving me Malaria), I realized that no matter how comfortable I get, the health issues people face here are outside of my everyday understanding. Although this may seem obvious, without incident it’s easy to feel invincible, as if you can tackle anything, and to forget to respect what others are living with on a daily basis. And sitting in the waiting area, I felt like something was missing, and all I hoped was to hear a little life from the babies in the hall.


All of this in mind, however, I have also realized that sad stories of Kibera will not bring change. Instead, while remembering why I came, I try my best to focus on the incredible progress being made in the face of these challenges. Young women opening savings accounts to give them hope for an independent future. HIV positive groups working together to create crafts that they sell to support each other. Youth reclaiming sewage dump land to create recycling centers and turning trash into income. And a community that is working hard to maintain a peaceful living space after massive violence. Although the suffering of others is what motivated me to come, it’s these accomplishments in the community that give my experience and work here purpose and value for the community, myself, and anyone who walks away with a desire to give and support giving from reading these stories.

Something to Read on your Coffee Break

In my last entry I mentioned a group called "Ushahidi" ( meaning testimony in Swahili). I've been working with them to impliment their great idea on the ground in Kibera. A local newspaper picked up the story and there's even a little cameo appearance by me on the second page :)

Check it out! http://www.nation.co.ke/News/-/1056/480528/-/item/1/-/lsupwr/-/index.html

Also, my friends who are conducting research at Mpala ranch (the one I visited near Mt. Kenya) have gone live with their ecology blog on the Huffington Post website (this week's topic, Biodiversity). The article is quick and fun to read and a great start for anyone interested, even on a basic level, in the significance of environment and politics. Please take a moment to check it out. Even if you're not totally into the sciences I highly recommend it!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/todd-palmer-and-rob-pringle/the-crisis-nobodys-talkin_b_134873.html